Sunday, February 5, 2012

Weekend Rundown

+Saturday brunch with Maggie, Olivia, and baby Finn
-Before I left I ate an egg and miracle whip sandwich
-And took 6 photos of my outfit from various angles

Here is one of them:

+Followed up brunch with a leisurely shopping trip
-To Target
+Bought some new beauty products
-But left the $5 wine glasses on the shelf because they were a bit more than I wanted to pay
-Stopped by Maggie's apartment afterwards where I ate fistfuls of peanut M&Ms
-And forgot to check to see if there was toilet paper on the roll before sitting down

+Cooked “Superfood Stir Fry” for Saturday dinner (sweet potatoes, spinach, chickpeas, and brown rice)
-Drowned it in low-sodium soy-sauce
+Enjoyed a few squares of chocolate and a little glass of wine for an after-dinner snack
-(Yeah, by “little” I mean one of the dollar glasses from the Whole Foods wine tasting)

+Started my Sunday with a chapter of “The New Jim Crow”
+Followed by a church sermon on “Loving Kindness”
-During which I kept thinking, “Am I at the Unitarian church or did I walk onto the set of Portlandia?”
-Cringed when we had to hold hands with the strangers in our pew
-Rushed out to make sure I got to Bruegger’s in time to get a jalapeno cheddar bagel
-Because I was too late last week and had to choke down a plain one

+Took Zola Budd for a relaxing stroll in the park
-Where I had to keep an eye out for the shifty dudes who hide out in the picnic shelter
-Purposefully walked by the neighborhood hoarder’s house
-To see if he added any good new stuff

+Wrapping up the weekend with a little Norah Jones
-And a Coors Light

Look, I’m not even going to bother to tally this up. Things may have turned out better had we not skipped the law school prom in favor of three episodes of “United States of Tara.”

Monday, February 7, 2011

A Bunch of Classy Broads

Since I started this blog, I have received a fair number of emails, texts, and face book messages from people sharing their classy broad moments. Here are a couple of my favorites.

The first is from Danielle, who is as classy as they come, and who I love because she shares my penchant for bad reality TV. Even the Duggars! If you can appreciate the Duggars in all their earnest weirdness, you earn major points with me. Anyway, she emailed me these classy/broad one liners:

I'm laying in bed reading the Wall Street Journal.......during commercial breaks on Jersey Shore.

And then this one:

I watched the state of the union address.....until it was time for
Teen Mom.

Danielle is the one not dressed like a turtle:

This next one is from the hilarious Becki, who will always hold a special place in my heart for her role in helping me to dissect a fetal pig in 11th grade biology.

CLASSY- my nice leather Coach briefcase...
BROAD- carrying the papers I need to grade in a plastic Meijer bag.

If I remember correctly, she also helped me to observe and record the mating habits of adult fruit flies.

And finally, below you will find a still life depicting the items that Donnie’s friend from work requested in their office gift exchange:

Yes, those are scratch-offs and a bottle of pinot grigio (and my elf pants making a surprise and inappropriate cameo).

I don't know this girl who requested such an awesome combo, but I'm thinking that maybe she's a woman after my own heart.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Country Strong

Donnie: Do you find it somewhat ironic that you tried to knock my tooth out for telling you that you talk like a redneck?

Sunday, January 23, 2011

A Big Red Suit

Donnie: I can't quite figure out what it is about those pajamas...
Kayla: What's wrong with them?
Donnie: I don't know, but as soon as I figure it out I'll let you know.
Kayla: Would it help if I fixed my hair better?
Donnie: No.
Kayla: Would it help if I popped the collar?
Donnie: Uh, no.

Donnie: You sort of look like an elf.
Kayla: I've been told that before.
Donnie: I never realized that until I saw you in a big red suit.

In other news:

Classy Points:
+ Picked up a real cake from a real bakery
+ Went out to a nice Italian restaurant for Mark's birthday
+ Had a champagne toast
+ Went to a baby shower for Olivia and baby Finn
+ Did a little yoga
+ Dropped Maggie off at the airport

Broad Points:
- Was in a pissy mood because I had to do something for somebody else
- Got Mark a birthday card that featured a naked baby
- ... Mooning someone
- Called Zach the "green-eyed snake"
- ... again
- During a game that also involved speculating what Donnie would do if he were Sarah Palin
- I guessed that he would spank Bristol's big ass
- On Thursday I had McDonald's for breakfast
- And Burger King for lunch

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Friday, January 21, 2011

Maggie (female, 27, Cincinnati) is a Classy Broad

Today’s post is for a link-up with Kelly’s Korner “Show Us Your Life: Singles.” Maggie is a 27-year old Clemson grad who majored in marketing and is preparing to start her own blog about her adventures in online dating.

Let me tell you a little bit about Maggie. First of all, she is my #1 BFF, so you know she must be a classy broad. Maggie and I go way back. Like back to the days of Salt n Pepa and the Saddle Club. One time in ninth grade we walked to the Chinese Buffet and had to lay down in the grass on the way home because we had to use the bathroom so bad we couldn’t walk (random, but it was a defining moment in our relationship). Maggie and I also embarrassed ourselves as children by loudly fighting over the window seat on an airplane and accidentally painting the side of her house a weird cream color.

Classy Points:
+ Froths up a mean latte
+ Well-traveled
+ Very good taste in literature
+ Good cook (mmmm lentil soup!!!)
+ Great style
+ In clothing and furnishings
+ You should see her apartment, it’s super cute!
+ Awesome sense of humor
+ Picks out great gifts
+ I love her family
+ Her drink of choice is Risque champagne
+ Will probably beat you in a game of Settlers of Catan

Broad Points:
- She will not be modest about it
- Has a stack of romance novels in her bedroom
- By stack, I mean a messy pile on the floor
- Lost half her pinky finger in an unfortunate childhood accident
- But still insists on having the manicurist paint the “nail” on the end
- Has the annoying tendency to belt out “Alllllllll by myseeelllllfffffff” at the top of her lungs at random moments
- I think it’s some kind of weird tic

Which you may or may not find endearing.

Maggie also enjoys the outdoors:

And can lug shit with the best of them.

If you know someone who could make me a great matron of honor (because let's face it, it’s usually all about me) send me an email:

Seriously though, Maggie is awesome. If you want a classy broad who can make you laugh, she’s your gal.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Classy Broad: The 3-Day Weekend Edition

+ Listening to my jazz essentials Pandora station
+ Studying for my data analysis class
+ Wrote a proper-syllabled haiku about a blackbird
+Ran the “hardest hill loop” without complaining once
+ Breakfast at Fork Heart Knife
+Offered my leftovers to Donnie
+ Made cous cous with fresh tomatoes, spinach, chopped carrot, and black beans

- Served my cous cous in Old El Paso taco shells
- With a sauce that we lovingly refer to as "butthole inferno"
- Woke up at 5:30am on a Saturday to read a Jennifer Weiner book
- When I got back from my run I was so delirious I sang “Frosty the Snowman” at the top of my lungs in the shower
- And then laughed at myself until I couldn’t breathe
- Watched Teen Mom 2
- Toddlers and Tiaras
- And “Made: Boy Band”
- When Donnie told me he was going to march in the MLK parade I asked him if he was going to lift his knees up high
- My pants have snowboarding monkeys on them

Total: -3, except I think I should get double points for the Haiku, haha!