A Bunch of Classy Broads

Since I started this blog, I have received a fair number of emails, texts, and face book messages from people sharing their classy broad moments. Here are a couple of my favorites.

The first is from Danielle, who is as classy as they come, and who I love because she shares my penchant for bad reality TV. Even the Duggars! If you can appreciate the Duggars in all their earnest weirdness, you earn major points with me. Anyway, she emailed me these classy/broad one liners:

I'm laying in bed reading the Wall Street Journal.......during commercial breaks on Jersey Shore.

And then this one:

I watched the state of the union address.....until it was time for
Teen Mom.

Danielle is the one not dressed like a turtle:



This next one is from the hilarious Becki, who will always hold a special place in my heart for her role in helping me to dissect a fetal pig in 11th grade biology.

CLASSY- my nice leather Coach briefcase...
BROAD- carrying the papers I need to grade in a plastic Meijer bag.

If I remember correctly, she also helped me to observe and record the mating habits of adult fruit flies.

And finally, below you will find a still life depicting the items that Donnie’s friend from work requested in their office gift exchange:




Yes, those are scratch-offs and a bottle of pinot grigio (and my elf pants making a surprise and inappropriate cameo).

I don't know this girl who requested such an awesome combo, but I'm thinking that maybe she's a woman after my own heart.

Country Strong

Donnie: Do you find it somewhat ironic that you tried to knock my tooth out for telling you that you talk like a redneck?

A Big Red Suit

Donnie: I can't quite figure out what it is about those pajamas...
Kayla: What's wrong with them?
Donnie: I don't know, but as soon as I figure it out I'll let you know.
Kayla: Would it help if I fixed my hair better?
Donnie: No.
Kayla: Would it help if I popped the collar?
Donnie: Uh, no.

Donnie: You sort of look like an elf.
Kayla: I've been told that before.
Donnie: I never realized that until I saw you in a big red suit.





In other news:

Classy Points:
+ Picked up a real cake from a real bakery
+ Went out to a nice Italian restaurant for Mark's birthday
+ Had a champagne toast
+ Went to a baby shower for Olivia and baby Finn
+ Did a little yoga
+ Dropped Maggie off at the airport

Broad Points:
- Was in a pissy mood because I had to do something for somebody else
- Got Mark a birthday card that featured a naked baby
- ... Mooning someone
- Called Zach the "green-eyed snake"
- ... again
- During a game that also involved speculating what Donnie would do if he were Sarah Palin
- I guessed that he would spank Bristol's big ass
- On Thursday I had McDonald's for breakfast
- And Burger King for lunch

Y'all: I've been wearing jeggings since 1989*

Classy: Jeggings

Broad: Pajama Jeans

*Back then we called them "soft jeans."

Maggie (female, 27, Cincinnati) is a Classy Broad

Today’s post is for a link-up with Kelly’s Korner “Show Us Your Life: Singles.” Maggie is a 27-year old Clemson grad who majored in marketing and is preparing to start her own blog about her adventures in online dating.

Let me tell you a little bit about Maggie. First of all, she is my #1 BFF, so you know she must be a classy broad. Maggie and I go way back. Like back to the days of Salt n Pepa and the Saddle Club. One time in ninth grade we walked to the Chinese Buffet and had to lay down in the grass on the way home because we had to use the bathroom so bad we couldn’t walk (random, but it was a defining moment in our relationship). Maggie and I also embarrassed ourselves as children by loudly fighting over the window seat on an airplane and accidentally painting the side of her house a weird cream color.

Classy Points:
+ Froths up a mean latte
+ Well-traveled
+ Very good taste in literature
+ Good cook (mmmm lentil soup!!!)
+ Great style
+ In clothing and furnishings
+ You should see her apartment, it’s super cute!
+ Awesome sense of humor
+ Picks out great gifts
+ I love her family
+ Her drink of choice is Risque champagne
+ Will probably beat you in a game of Settlers of Catan

Broad Points:
- She will not be modest about it
- Has a stack of romance novels in her bedroom
- By stack, I mean a messy pile on the floor
- Lost half her pinky finger in an unfortunate childhood accident
- But still insists on having the manicurist paint the “nail” on the end
- Has the annoying tendency to belt out “Alllllllll by myseeelllllfffffff” at the top of her lungs at random moments
- I think it’s some kind of weird tic

Which you may or may not find endearing.

Maggie also enjoys the outdoors:




And can lug shit with the best of them.




If you know someone who could make me a great matron of honor (because let's face it, it’s usually all about me) send me an email: kaylacamp@gmail.com.

Seriously though, Maggie is awesome. If you want a classy broad who can make you laugh, she’s your gal.

Classy Broad: The 3-Day Weekend Edition

Classy:
+ Listening to my jazz essentials Pandora station
+ Studying for my data analysis class
+ Wrote a proper-syllabled haiku about a blackbird
+Ran the “hardest hill loop” without complaining once
+ Breakfast at Fork Heart Knife
+Offered my leftovers to Donnie

+ Made cous cous with fresh tomatoes, spinach, chopped carrot, and black beans

Broad:

- Served my cous cous in Old El Paso taco shells
- With a sauce that we lovingly refer to as "butthole inferno"
- Woke up at 5:30am on a Saturday to read a Jennifer Weiner book
- When I got back from my run I was so delirious I sang “Frosty the Snowman” at the top of my lungs in the shower
- And then laughed at myself until I couldn’t breathe
- Watched Teen Mom 2
- Toddlers and Tiaras
- And “Made: Boy Band”
- When Donnie told me he was going to march in the MLK parade I asked him if he was going to lift his knees up high
- My pants have snowboarding monkeys on them

Total: -3, except I think I should get double points for the Haiku, haha!

A Week of Classy Broad: Day 7

Another Pajama Post:

- So today I almost bought a pair of flannel pajama pants at the NKU bookstore, but realized that for what they were charging I could get a whole pajama outfit somewhere else (yes, that was really my reasoning).

- So I went home and bought these:

- Which only sort of look like the blanket my grandpa keeps in his trunk for emergencies.

- Which he offered to sell to me for $20.

- I countered at 12 bucks.

- Coincidentally, that is exactly what I paid for this pajama outfit.

Emer's a Classy Broad

Classy: Well-read

Broad: Yesterday he got caught in the raccoon trap because he insisted on eating 2-week old bait (Alpo) straight from the can. Luckily, it is a live trap, but I don’t think the Alpo agreed with him:

Hehe, this picture is just when he was passed out another time, but I thought it was funny :-)

A Week of Classy Broad: Day 6

Classy Points:
+ Girls night with Maggie and Jennie.
+ Homemade lentil soup and peppermint ice cream.

Broad Points:
- Hung out at an apartment where the occupants were using their open oven for heat.
- We all had on sweatpants (my friends are broads too).
- Brought my own ceasar salad in a bag.
- And my own bottle of Bass.
- Although I'm not sure if it's pronounced like the fish or the big cello.
- Left with a can of pea soup in my purse.

Hey, they offered it to me.

A Week of Classy Broad: Day 5

Classy: Drinking white wine in the bathtub.

Broad: Drinking Coors Light in the shower.

A Week of Classy Broad: Day 4

Classy Points:
+ Engaged in a book club discussion.
+ Spent 15 minutes after work unwinding with the latest edition of Cincinnati Magazine.
+ Performed some light cardio and strength training.
+ Sampled two of Donnie’s smoothie mixes: Avocado and Berry-Banana.

Broad Points:
- Dinner = Bottle of Bass and an egg sandwich.
- Set my DRV to record Police Women of Cincinnati.
- Mainly so I could look for people I might know.

This is the classiest day I've had in awhile, so I'll stop while I'm ahead!

A Week of Classy Broad: Day 3

So this post is mainly about eating and shopping.

Classy Points:
+ Started the day with breakfast in bed.
+ Bought Donnie lunch and a new casual jacket.
+ Over a lunch, I made several impressive points on the role of women in True Grit.
+ For dinner, I made homemade split pea soup from The Conscious Cook.
+ Our shopping list today included clementines, avocados, organic soymilk, silken tofu, French bread, and shaved almonds.

Broad Points:
- Our shopping list also included a six-pack of Hudy Delight and four kinds of processed cheese.
- Read US Weekly in the checkout line while Donnie unloaded the cart.
- Was sorely disappointed when the Ohio Lottery scratch-off machine was out of order.
- Can’t wait to watch the 2-hour finale of Sarah Palin’s Alaska (shut up!)
- My outfit consisted of jeans with holes in them and a pair of $15 fake Uggs circa 2002.
- Was almost the proud owner of a new pair of red flannel pajama pants.
- In a men’s size medium.

Somehow I came to my senses.

A Week of Classy Broad: Day 2

Classy Points:
+ Went on a dinner/movie date.
+ With my husband.
+ Shaved my legs.

Broad Points:
- For the first time in three weeks (the shaving the legs part).
- Had occasion to ask: “Did you check the trap?”
- My drivers side window refused to roll down in the McDonalds drive-thru so I had to open my door to order. And pay. And accept my food.
- Unbuttoned my pants in the movie theater.
- Because I had just eaten three tacos the size of my head.
- Didn’t remember to button them up afterwards.
- And no, I didn’t go straight home.

This is a picture of my "toolbox":

Vignette

This morning I heard a great NPR story (classy).
About a stripper (broad).

Wocka wocka.

A Week of Classy Broad: Day 1

Classy: Wearing my new sweater and vest to a wine tasting.
Broad: Wearing them with sweat pants and running shoes.


Classy: Buying Donnie a nice bottle of wine.
Broad: Charging him 10% interest.